I always wondered was it my thoughts or my loneliness that kept this pain within me. Was it the thought of missing you seemed to desperate? Yet I know your happiness is with someone else and I would hate myself to ever try to get in between that. Than again you are my past and what is in the past should stay there. There is this feeling in me that I wish I could go back and fix it all. To do things right because at the time I had not known any better, that I was still trying to understand what life was about especially learning what it meant to share that with someone else. I was fascinated by how much you knew that you always gave me more reasons than you did as to why I was so infatuated by your being , by your soul, by your existence. At the same time it almost felt as if I was never good enough for you that was compelling through my eyes. Yet every time you looked at me as if you seen the world for the very first time. Thats when I knew what love felt like. 

But I tell myself I never want to be with another ever again because I know I’ll end up in this pain again that will only grow stronger. Is it possible to be comfortable with loneliness forever? Would it even be normal to forever be alone? Yet were always told if we don’t experience pain we will never learn or grow through strength. I’m constantly thinking that I’ve been through enough, can I simply just be happy? I’m constantly finding myself trying to run away from my thoughts that keep chasing me. 

I just want to be okay…




Slide Back Home Slide further